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  • Clarke Wallace

HOW TO ASSEMBLE IT? OH yEAH.

There is nothing that bugs me more than reading how to put things together. Often in LARGE LETTERS as a warning to do the right things. IMPORTANT SAFEGUARDS come with instructions telling you when using electrical appliances, ‘basic precautions should always be followed’.


Then comes READ ALL THE INSTRUCTIONS. What follows on one of those modern coffee makers is close to twenty numbered instructions, ending with SAVE THESE INSTRUCTIONS.


Let’s just plug in the damn thing and get on with it.


Ever try to assemble an electric carpet sweeper, for lack of better words. Instructions often come now - the explanation not in words but drawings. I suppose it saves the manufacturer from having to use copies in different languages. Chinese, French, German and so on.


Steps to put it together with numbers, as in step one, step two etc. Arrows point where to ‘clik’ parts together. With a ‘clik’ - written that way – to ensure you’re doing it right.


One coffeemaker comes with 23 instructions starting with, ‘Always unplug from outlet before cleaning’. Really?


Do you ever get tired of seeing your lawn hose lying on the ground, until you finally buy one of those things on wheels with a handle. It rolls up the hose while keeping it plugged into an outlet. Step one comes on the back page, mentioning it’s simple to assemble.

AUTHOR’S COMMENT: I’ve always been lousy at reading instructions. I understand what they’re telling me, until I look at all the pieces spread out on the carpet and my mind goes blank.

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